I want to snug with you.
You want my snuggie?
so was this before or after i puked down the ice luge?
Put your dick on his face to wake him up, dont worry its fine.
the bar tender told me i could keep an air matress in the backroom.
Did you know you could bring s cooler of beer to the nail salon?
ROOF CAVED IN, WE'RE GUNNA MAKE A WATERSLIDE
yeah I'm sure your grandparents are the best but it's halloween. get a slutty costume and let's go ham.
We enjoyed our moment of partial gayness together
Just ignore his excessive use of exclamation points and be happy this one is of age.
You fucker.
Last night at McDonalds, you lied across the counter, pulled up your shirt and yelled "BODY SHOTS"...
And if I could both stabilize myself *and* pick things up with my penis... Well, I wouldn't be on the fire dept...
I was hammered helping a pregnant woman at the gas station name her unborn child. We had to try everything with two different last names because she was waiting on the results of her paternity test.
It's def pee. WHY DO I PEE ON THINGS WHEN I DRINK TEQUILA
I loaned him a tie and then had to tie it for him. I'm like his weird lesbian girlfriend.
What is the best medium with which to say, "Happy Birthday, I'm having your abortion"... Cake? Card?
Randomize
