can we get nightvision for the apartment?
im six kinds of drunk right now
let's get her a shirt that says "i went to key west for spring break and all i got was this illegitimate child."
At this point I feel like i'm never going to be sober, and it's frightening
You defs just slept for 6 hours in a porta pottie. You should probably just kill yourself.
I feel like that needs to be the last time i end a text with "fuck them i love tequila".
Everyone looked at me like I just fucked a gopher and was wearing it like a hat
That kid who fell through your coffee table is here. In a toga.
we can fight about whose fault it is later....naked.
Tonight I plan on passing out fully clothed on the table. I don't know where normal people plan on sleeping.
Also, if asking a guy to come over and watch curling with you doesn't scream let's fuck then idk what does
Your actions as of last night have earned you over thirty new nicknames.
Of course I fucked him. He was wearing a rainbow cock sock and cowboy boots.
Got drunk tryed walking 12miles to zacks house woke up at noon on baseball park
It's to the point where if a guy can so much as find my clit, I'll consider him amazing in bed
Randomize