Lonely and bored. Am I allowed to play Dance Dance Revolution by myself?
New channing tatum movie.
I'll bring my vibrator.
The only ground rules are no one is allowed to come who will say "no, that's a bad idea" or "what if we get arrested?"
I never kept track of who else he slept with. You think I have the time or the energy to keep track of every dick in my life?
DON'T LET IAN EAT HIS PEANUT BUTTER!!!
Just remembered that I poured a whole bottle of tylenol in there. It's chunky. It's deadly.
We left live chickens on the basement slip n slide. Good luck finding your car keys
he made his penis look like a sprinkler when he was coming. it was pretty cool actually.
Just got super judged by a walmart cashier for buying diet pills and candy in the same transaction. Like she has her life figured out.
These are your "grown up" slampiece's new hours of operation; please plan accordingly
So I'm at that stage in my life where I am stalking my stalker just to get laid
The low-flow toilet at my office cannot handle the intensity of this hangover.
So just what does one wear when attending a sex toy party with ones mother-in-law?
Jeans and a nice top.
just shotgunning some tallboys in the cooler, you?
HOW DO YOU GET RAISES EVERY TWO WEEKS?!
I just moonwalked my socks off. THAT LAZY. THAT HIGH.
She was blowing me like a porn star and all I could think was "you just told me your grandfather is dying in hospice right now"
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