You just took 4 shots. 2 of them were maple syrup.
for on dont try to tell me you love me after three weeks of talking, for two if you are going to do that stay away from the song lyrics to a very good country song that you happened to ruin by using it, and for three erase my number im fuckin your sister now
Dry humping a girl for an hour and then jizzing in your pants doesn't count as losing it.
May God have mercy on my new vibrator.
You have no idea how much I'm praying for my moms side of the family's infertility right now
I'm really tired of your booty call eating my fruity pebbles.
She's planning a December wedding, I'm planning on a June breakup.
Def something wrong w taking plan b with your daughters juice box
You carried me up the stairs after I told you not to. And what did you tell me? "Let me test my strengths."
I can't ever date him again. Whenever I see his face I just remember helplessly pissing myself in my car.
My life is literally the worst. I was just laughing so hard at how hot they looked feeding each other the brownies and then I was like DON'T CRY
Where's Taylor bro?
Never mind found him under the sink
This girl braided my pubes while i was asleep. Now i cant get them undone.
Somehow my boobs came up in conversation AGAIN last night and I'm still not getting laid...
I know you do it only because of my toyota, but thank you for fucking me. Seriously.
Randomize
