I just ate an adderall and jelly sandwich in front of my mom. Homework time!
We basically counted to 3 and then dumped each other.
Can you call him, he said something about going to the balcony to pee and now hes texting me saying hes lost
No flamethrowers. That is a direct order.
I feel like his dick looks like a decorative autumn squash.
So it turns out rose was the bear hunting girl. Fuck my life
None of those words made sense together.
It was either the harsh truths I was divulging or the liquor..... But either way, I made mom puke
Last time we talked he was trying to sext me but he was including pictures of fruit
There is absolutely a 0% chance my hips will make it out of this twerking business fully functional
What a better way to celebrate that I'm single by becoming a stripper and making $1000 in one night
Can my mom come with to the bar? Prince just died and I feel like I need to take her out to cheer her up.
Interesting. All i can really say is humanoid shaped doritos bags melting very slowly
Homeboy just asked me to strip for him. He should not be this horny and allowed to be in Vegas with his kid.
She did what?
Who. The correct term is she did who.
Did you see him? The correct term is definitely what.
If you can't trust the person at the taco cabana drive thru, who can you trust?!
Randomize
