Mom and Dad are dead. Trust fund
plans for tonight: dress up like pirates, drink a bottle of mad dog and watch the sorostitues across the street get naked. and yes, the mad dog part is already in play. hurry the fuck up. i look like a loser doing this alone.
My Blind Date Arrived. She looks like something I'd draw with my left hand.
I sware she could use her own nose as a dildo.
Tbell employee was shuffling through my bag, calling off each item i ordered to make sure it was all there. I stopped him halfway through with "guy, don't worry, I'm high as shit, I'll eat anything."
Deffinety need to stop having sex on the beach just took a dump and it was mostly sand
Your scrotum should have touched every square inch of that place by now. Start with the water fountain.
Just mindlessly walked into the mens bathroom. My vagina has now become its own independent being, looking for penises. I'm just along for the ride.
Lmao the neighbor heard yall last night She wanted me to tell you way to finish strong
Are you sure you didn't shit in my back yard?
His Australian accent during sex made me think I was in an Outback Steakhouse commercial
It was like a baby arm holding another baby arm holding an apple grove. Fuckin huge!
I woke up remembering only that I got pulled over by a cop, then looked over and found that same cop, naked.
we should paint friendship bongs
Longest 30 seconds of my life
10/10 so not recommended
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