Told my mom a bit ago she'd meet you tonight
Um...??
She's excited
The look your mother gives you when she sees you masterbating on web cam is unlike any I've seen before, but this is a case where, I would say, ignorance is bliss.
woke up with 15 BAGS of hot dog buns in my passenger seat... jameson strikes again
Just realized the hot girl at the office got a boob job over the Holiday.....she is now super-hot girl.
i wish i could google "things to eat in my fridge" so i wouldnt have to go downstairs and be disappointed
I just rolled a joint with a page from On The Road by Kerouac. I have never felt like more of a hipster.
He said he had a gf but the monogamy was "only implied".
she said she's never had and orgasm AND she's a cubs fan...ouch.
He's sobering up. It was really bad for like 45 minutes. He cried while telling me how he pictured us eating hotdogs on the beach together.
Theres dried jager, barbecue sauce and frie remnants all over my front seat.
No. Cease was criminally insane from birthday shots, and not a lot of women want to go home from the bar with a guy who wants to "snuggle but keep it strictly professional".
I finally got the glitter off in time to get to the party and bang the bday boy in the bathroom while his girlfriend was lighting the bday cake candles.
At first it will make you think "how is this physically possible?" and then it will ruin an entire food group for you.
You kicked my dad IN THE NUTS right when he walked in.
Sorry, man. Thought he was a cop.
you just don't appreciate it because you've never been arrested
Randomize