Call me when you're up
Great dream, you were in it
I accidentally had phone sex last night
you don't remember? you called me at 330 crying because you were in the middle of having sex with corey and forgot his name. all you kept saying was i'm a drunk bitch.
I make my boyfriend pay for half of my birth control. We call it his monthly rent.
Almost accidentally stole a baby... explain later
my quiz for the book was only 2 questions and my one answer was sorry and then a sad face
He called me a "functional alcoholic" like its a bad thing.
Why is your signature on my underwear?
On second thought, trying to signify she was a butter face by wiping my bagel on her cheek may not have been in my best of interests
Should I have a moral quandary about Skyping topless with him while his son slept in the other room?
Turns out lunch break sex with someone you cant stand being around for any amount of time just makes you wish you had gone to get tacos like you originally planed.
I told her the party couldn't handle my playlist LAZERBAWLS and I was right. Cops in the basement, orgy in the kitchen, jousting in the living room.
I told him his only options were from behind or me on top. I was not about to mess up my $80 blow out before graduation.
She flashed them and they let her pay with Monopoly money. I'm married, so it is your obligation as my best man to repeatedly fuck her for me
IM GOING TO SIT ON YOUR FACE AND CHANT 'I BELIEVE THAT WE WILL WIN'
Randomize
