...is it true? will i see you next weekend
YES.
ah, i can't wait till there's negative 2 inches between us
i jhust puked up my retainher.
he didn't want to fuck because he was too busy skateboarding. what are we 12? I'm too old for this shit.
BEER BONG IN THE STOCKROOM COME IN TO WORK TODAY
if you had such a terrible roommate you would understand. jacking off in his conditioner is just the start.
U should feel bad.. u r like a sex politician. All talk and no follow thru
My unemployment came through so I'd like to thank the taxpayers of Utah in advance for my level of intoxication this weekend
Apparently this is my life now. Fucking men in their 30s with small dogs.
Went out with the family last night and some 40 yr old lady wanted to take me home. My mom was not happy with me
I admit it could have gone better but look at it this way, since I broke the urn you don't have to worry about spreading the ashes.
As of right now, my vibrator and a bag of snickers share the same drawer
You know what i hate? I hate when the ppl you drunkenly made out with actually want to talk to you sober. It just doesn't work that way sir.
Am I the only one who finds it completely appropriate to pre-game our Brazilians?
DRUNK COOKIES
Are you drunk or are the cookies drunk or are these cookies that get you drunk?
Yes
If he’s halfway attractive, employed and cool with me having boytoys, I’ll marry him
Randomize
