you were so high you were expressing yourself in action figures
is wine microwaveable?
he opened up his "box of magic": a crusty tube of KY jelly, three expired condoms, a fingertip vibrater, and a jar of marshmallow fluff.
She fucked me because she said I looked like Neil Patrick Harris
They thought I was the paid stripper pretty much, and a lady tried to set me up with her nephew and then wanted to get my number for lesbian daughter... A typical night for me
Just threw up in my seat during the national anthem. Probably not good.
Mmmhmmm sure, nice try, but there's certain wounds that only bj's can heal
I've got 2 dollars. How do I turn this into alcohol?
Halfway through lecture, some kid in the front row threw up IN his hands. Professor held the door for him to carry it out.
Obviously. I'm here to let you eat things off my boobs and help you get laid.
Watching my ex make out with another girl is weird.
But she's wearing a jumpsuit so I feel better.
I almost took a picture but it looked like he might have a shank and I'm just not at a place in my life where I could handle having tetanus
This tequila is so bad I might cry. I won't Throw up but I might cry
So, I almost went hone with a French guy and a drag queen. Together. Then I became sober enough to realize, that's not my style.
A massage should never include spaghetti sauce. shit was fucked up
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