I kissed a girl and did not like it. Now I hate Katy Perry even more.
Who do you think planted the wheat? Who do you think cleared the land and killed off the native inhabitants? Women?
I just watched a trucker jack off to a picture of Ellen DeGeneres at a truck stop in Nebraska.
i am already firmly committed to doing irish carbombs w/ 12 different people, and the st pattys day party doesnt start for another 24 hours. i may die
He's engaged. If the world's smallest penis can find true love than I can too.
Of course she said it wasn't that good, I don't bring my A game to pity fuck the thrice divorced girl from work
It's like I'm in a vicious cycle of noncommittal penis.
I think I should just accept my destiny that I'm going to be someone's second wife
My tits sealed my fate
You got called a pussy at a party with a slow cooker, you can't let that shit slide
He held the kayak still so I wouldn't tip over while projectile vomiting. If that ain't true love, I don't know what is...
Like not to be gross, he was eating me out while I was smoking a bowl. It was like a rap video
Awkward, walking to my bootycall's hotel room and run into my dad leaving his. Just nodded to each other and went on our ways
We ate sushi in a hospital bed, then fucked in a bathroom while I wore a gown. Pretty sure she's the one
I'm shaking a cocktail while in bed. Is that bad?
How so I keep attracting the virgins? HOW?
You talk about your love for your ninja turtle onesie when you're drunk. Are you really surprised?
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