I would have at least made out with you if you were showered.
i just heard one Asian kid say to another, "i bet if i could get into Harvard i could get laid all the time, my brother lost his virginity the first night there."
Met some locals. They are taking me to a place where there is topless bullriding. I love this country.
they said he just opened the front of his shirt and threw up alll over himself
We stuck the straw in the bourbon as a joke, you saw it as a challenge.
I hit a child with a fudge sickle from a moving vehicle after he flipped me off, I feel like a God. Tell no one. My partner didn't see it.
I guess crabs is what I get for sleeping with my ex.
I disagree, if your last name is Weiner then the sending of dick pics should be mandatory. I'd give him a pass.
Also, my phone suggested the phrase “puke in the mailbox" how many times have I had the need to text that to people?
I DMed the cop that arrested me to come unlock my keys out if my car today
I woke up to his balls in my face, so naturally I limboed under him and headed to the bathroom. When I came out he was asleep on the floor.
I still hate everything and everyone around me. Krampus taught me nothing.
By talk things out did he mean have passionate angry sex?
If everyone felt the happiness from apple crown royal we would be in a better place
He was actually surprised when I poured myself a glass full of straight vodka. Clearly he doesn't know me as well as he thinks.
Randomize
