So he flipped me over and suddenly went limp then told me he was thinking about his ex.
so you punched his junk, right?
WTF YOU HAVE A GIRLFRIEND?
Oh yeah that.
this crazy girl in up in Dennys is going crazy because Bob Saget just texted her.
on of the only things i remember was the security guard told me i was too drunk for laser tag.
If tjhis were a lake full of vodka and i were a ducl Id swim my way down and ddrink my way up
Your philanthropic work just got me laid, thanks dad for naming me #2.
All right cuz right now I'm in one of those moods where the shear thought of doing anything more strenuous than making a sandwich has me wanting to curl up in the feeble position and splash around in a puddle of my own tears.
Excuse me hold on, hooking up with someone who is verified on twitter is like being important.
After 7 months of nothing.. shall we throw your vagina a party? as its reinstatement into society?
No, dude...I agree it's great in theory but I promise you that 80 drunk 21 year old sorority girls together in one room for formal is one of the worst drama filled ideas ever. Ever.
I vaguely remember losing my underwear to 2 chicks in a bathroom. That drunk.
Jesus tap dancing Christ rock out with your cock out is supposed to be just an expression. And even if it weren't no one wants pics bro.
I'm asking you this because you're my dad....is coke a drug I should try?
Look, if this is a cop, just lemme know that Mike is ok. Fuckin all star game
Your ex spoke highly of your penis and it’s skill. I’m interested in learning more about it ;-)
Randomize
