We told the pizza man that the door was most likely unlocked, he could leave the pizza on the counter and give himself 20%. He did it-I'm never moving out of Aspen.
I'm cleaning my bathroom. That being said I found a klonopin and dropped it and stepped on it. Floor is clean im gonna snort it.
. Drop what your doing. Were going to Knoxville for midget wrestling. It's the championship.we can NOT miss this.
When the cops pulled up I just stood flat against the fence with my hands up while yelling out,"I'm a tree!!"...
Came so hard when I was riding him that I actually bit some of his chest hair off. He said I was the first girl ever to do THAT.
that man is just a bundle of powerful magic and poor judgment
Wait I'm all alone with a guy and his turtle
He looked me deeply in the eyes and said "I don't want this to be the last time I see you.. Can I follow you on Instagram"
I have no idea what happened last night, but my pee is neon green.
I JUST WOKE UP WITH MY UBER DRIVER
You showed me your butthole that's like a mating call in other species
Needless to say, I did not go home with him cause he kinda resembled a guppy fish.
Right?? Give me some apple scented candles and I'm a fall wet dream
I have tasted many bathrooms
It was like mission impossible.
but with sex.
Randomize
