I think i peed on brittanys purse
you left your dildo in my car
rules of finders keepers apply
if my college career had corporate sponsors, they would be natty light and aim toothpaste.
just friend requested my arresting officer from last night. too soon??
I love memorial day. It's drinking in the name of patriotism. God Bless America
Im holding a competition......who saw me last, and who knows how my nose got bruised? you earn points for answering either question. and for bringing me water.
He just slept in my bed for a couple hours and asked lots of questions about gay sex. No, I do not have his number.
a small fire erupted but we put it out with a can of beer so everything's fine
You fell asleep leaning on my shoulder at the bar
I don't think he realizes it but he was stroking the faucet while he was talking to me.
I said:" get your jacket, get your beer and get the fuck out of here"
Firing someone with a rhyme is the new high point in my life.
We decided to keep having sex while I ordered the pizza. I wanted extra pepperoooooooooooooni.
It's not above me to sleep with him solely for his authentic budweiser shirt
Sorry for peeing on your books last night. I wouldn't leave them next to the window anymore.
I just wanna go home jackoff, eat chicken fingers, drink beer, play halo and go to bed. I'm sick of this shitty school, the shitty kids and having to fucking teach them.
Randomize
