those are such fre$h shoes
going to ignore the use of the word "fresh" in a sentence that isnt related to produce and/or other food stuffs and especially the part where you replaced an "s" with a dollar sign
There could not be a more unattractive person. She just told me her period was so bad that she got sick. I think my penis retracted and killed himself
Apparently on the way out of the ER i asked the nurse to doggie-bag me some more morphine.
the last thing i remember was trying to convince him to call over his girlfriend so we could have a threesome
Since when does a beard not count as proof of age at the liquor store?
Yo. I have a shitload of cardboard. We have to build a smoke hut in the smoke room with a tunnel connected to a cat house. This way the kitty can join us whenever she pleases
When he goes down on me, he stares me in the eyes like a shark mocking it's prey as it devours it. Plus, his beard smells like dirty gym socks. This has got to end.
He wants to hookup..at the fair..this is our chance to leave him stranded with no clothes.
she walked in on me throwing up in the sink with my pants around my ankles and I said "i'll be with you in a sec"
There's an owl outside. I feel like he's hooing directly at me.
well that's what you get for sleeping with a guy called 'the defiler'
IF THE GUY WHO I AM BORROWING OUR CAR FROM FINDS ONE CONDOM OR JIZZ STAIN IN THIS CAR HE IS GOING TO CASTRATE MY ASS. SERIOUSLY, DON'T FUCK IN THE CAR.
I swear to god my spidey sense only tingles when someone’s about to die or you’re being a hoe.
Irony: drinking your pre workout supplement out of the cup your Krispy Kreme doughnut holes came in.
I'm a peeled potato compared to her. I'm a peeled potato compared to anyone. I'm a peeled potato.
Are you high?
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