I may be a little high but I'm pretty sure my alphabet soup has only Os in it
We call that spaghetti Os
Canada is now making docos about life in America. Its called Trailer Park Boys.
theres no point in washing my sheets anymore. its always going to be a fine layer of booze and semen.
my mom just asked me about sexting and if I have ever sent a naked picture to anyone. i fucking hate fox news.
I think I'm going to try and hook up with that blond tonight.
I'm going for alcohol poisoning.
I blacked out, started puking and peed on the guy I was hooking up with. Mid hand job.
How old are you? 14? Who gives hand jobs anymore?
Salt in an open wound right now.
Everyone is hammered wasted already...young, old, the dying, babies...we got them all
Alright, deal. Settling two drug deals before noon is what I call a productive day. I'm not even gonna go to math, I've practiced enough numbers for the day.
The fact that you think I have a life is so flattering to me.
My bar tender texts me around 5ish and ask what I feel like, so it's ready for me when I get home. All star service.
Dude. You are the LAST person that should live above a bar.
I'm good. We walked you back to my apartment and you demanded to eat the sandwich I made for him
We got caught fucking on the couch while I was in my Godzilla onesie.
Also what’s the official rule on washing one guy’s jizz off my back before I go out with another guy? That I should?
All I want to do is lay in my bed and eat hotdogs
last night you made out with a 19 year old on a bar and i woke up with a swede in my bed. lets just say that never happened.
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