I can't watch pbs sober anymore
I'm sorry for the crack den comment. You have a lovely apartment.
His shirt was in the kitchen sink this morning, I'm pretty sure my roommates know.
Lesson Learned this Week... If it seems too good to be true he is probably just trying to get you pregnant.
Dude, didnt you only know that guy for a month and he is demanding offspring?
Apparently, at this age my womb is an early conversation
I just realized I've stolen a hat from every guy I fucked. Except the last one. Maybe there is hope for me.
Sorry for drunk singing "love hurts" to you at 3 am.
Did you bedazzle the elevator?
remember.. you're not a homewrecker.. you're just creating options for him..
On monday, while we were having crazy monkey sex, I earned $82. Vacation pay rocks.
I feel like I got hit by a truck. Or a baby dinosaur. One of them ran over my body and then stuck me in a blender of fire and storm clouds
God he's so convenient, drugs, an parties all in one person. He's like the Walmart of delinquency.
My gut is currently telling me that Jesus did not intend for us to eat shrimp pad thai on Easter
Is this a considering it or regretting it text?
I just shit out what feels like an entire shrimp with claws and all. You tell me.
I think my body is a cloud. This mixture of things is heavenly. Dare was wrong, drugs are awesome.
I just want to sit in my tub, drugged out of my mind, and watch the green lantern cartoon while the world as we know it ceases to exist outside my bathroom door, Okay? Is that REALLY too much to ask?
By the time we got to McDonald's you were sharing a Big Mac with a stripper.
Randomize
