Def gonna have stinky sex sometime soon. GOT TO! she has eligible friends for you, as well.
But sometimes ur dick treats me better than u do
I literally need to be slapped with another cock just to notice it.
Friends bring friends secret work margaritas. my pink water bottle is in the cupboard
I really need to find a new way to reward you other than head scratches, nutella and blowjobs.
I'm going out w/ her for her b-day in a bit. I just talked to one of her drunk friends on the phone who asked if I could "handle 7 lesbian." This could be interesting.
I need a thor helmet and I need to find my heavy duty drinking mug
That BJ in the bathroom was definitely worth the $20 cover.
A 74 year old man offered to let me sleep on his pull out couch last night.
Powdered alcohol is a real thing now. Move over crystal light... Water bottles rejoice!!
Captain Morgan does not know self control. Nor does he teach it.
Last night when we banged she had nothing else on but socks that said 'property of Jesus' on them.
I'd date him. I'd date the fucking shit out of him.
You're having marijuana delivered to you. You're buying drugs and you aren't even leaving the house. I'm sure he'll be surprised if you're NOT wearing a bathrobe.
I'm pmsing pretty hard.. .just cried 3 times while eating a Hershey bar dipped in peanut butter
Randomize
