i hate sounding clingy, but i just wanted to verify i wasn't an asshole in your mind
she has no idea who harrison ford is.
see that's why i'd never date someone born in the 90s
Do you think my parents will accept my drinking habits more if I told them I like to drink every night because I take good shits the next morning?
Just woke up with 34 slim-jims in my pocket. Too afraid to check the others.
We're friends with people in his circle of friends so we're half way in. It's like I've already given him a hand job.
Got a personal ride from safe ride. I was crying so hard. The driver said think of something happy and I said Disney. In which I sang him Aladdin. So I got home ok
also bought condoms to give away to people who look like they're about to make a bad halloween decision. I'm like a fairy.
I'm pregnant.
The fact that this number is not in my contacts is giving me hope it's a wrong number???
I know he'd never cheat on me. It'd be like choosing Mexican tap water over Patron.
You burned the hair off your arms. Again.
It grows back stronger each time.
Can I just skip the lesson I have planned for tomorrow and just teach my students about Prohibition using my impending hangover?
This is why american education is failing
I made everyone scream the national anthem with me after playing true American last night. I'm pretty much their leader now.
then I ended up getting a lapdance from my TA...I love college.
My roommate just google searched "cumming blood" using my laptop. Her boyfriend is in her room, she looks scared. Words cannot explain how hilarious this is.
I don't know who he was but he was covered up with a shower curtain and ate a whole bottle of tums
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