I am officially superior to you. I said "Go Go Gadget Dick" before I fucked her. I dare you to beat that.
this morning my mom told me to get a new vibrator because mine was too loud last night
i fell asleep watchin iron chef that was the blender she heard. i dont even own a vibrator
Fuck that. Livers are so overdramatic and attention hungry.
I have a running excel spreadsheet detailing the number of shots in a night and subsequent ability to masturbate
please remember that your boobs are bigger than your sisters. when you borrow her shirts they stretch and then shes left flapping in the breeze. dont borrow her clothes anymore. love dad.
You picked up her frozen vom puddle and threw it like a frisbee.
you had acid sex with the barista. why is my bucket list your tuesday?
Druken naked yoga : jus another ploy to keep your husbands eye in check
My tits, and hanging out behind a hotel eating pizza.
Y'all best leave this "I can only have a couple drinks" shit at the door. U don't drive to Yukon to have a shot. I'm getting u fuckers drunk.
My mom just made me promise her that i'll care about the next guy I sleep with
It was like a Thanksgiving meal, which you spend 8 hours cooking, and the family wolfs down in 20 minutes. All that flirting and build-up for like 90 seconds of pumping and he was gone in a flash, never to be heard from again.
I have work in an hour and I'm having trouble with concepts such as 'staying upright' and 'staying conscious'. Tie me to your wrist next time we go out drinking,
Back at condo with chick. What is the condom situation urgent response needed
A real best friend would support the hoe in me. Not remind me of what happened the last time I slept with a boss
Randomize
