I woke up at 11 this morning in my car parked in front of the bar.
I know, I tried to wake you up, but I couldnt. So I walked home
i wish you could fill a pinata with booze
the cop cuffed us all with 40's still taped to our hands
Oh btw I took the eighth out of the plastic wrap so I could use it to wrap my red pepper. This can be seen as either pathetic or resourceful.
I have to be home in time to watch my friend on that Lifetime show about having babies. And by friend, I mean the girl I had a lesbian experience with at a party 3 years ago.
Dwarf fight at five guys. Today was a good day.
I got carried to one bar. Got a piggy back ride to the next bar. I was just testing our drinking team for st pattys day to make sure they are able to handle me more drunk than that.
Ok now a guy in a winnie the pooh costume is grinding on some chick to the song shots
So update from last night: I made friends with a coke dealer, I tore the card scanner off the wall of my dorm, and I passed out on our bathroom counter with my head in the sink.
I'm going for high school drunk, you've got 15 minutes to get here.
There is a 5-year old here fighting 'drunk monkeys'. He tried to knock a drink out of my hand with a plastic light saber...
How much more is Amanda Bynes going to rip out our hearts?!?!?
Running late for a date because I couldn't get my clothes out from under the dude I spent the night with in time to leave when I planned. This is my life.
Yes. I'm realizing that sports games are good reasons to drink. I just cheer when everyone else cheers.
I just loudly threatened to kill a self checkout machine
Randomize
