i'm lost and i look like a hooker
i was taking the test and had to adjust my boner and my teacher thought i was cheating or something
I just took boredom to a whole new level. I just auto-tuned and remixed today's western civ lecture
Just fucked in his moms tanning bed. While it was on. Weirdest. Tan. Ever.
I did the seizure Bad Romance dance again last night, didn't I?
you were really good actually. your skill is increasing over time
Your 'drink of the future' makes sense now- you feel it for atleast 10 hours into the future
Do you want the something i can tell my mom in ten year version or the you're gonna call me a whore but be proud version?
I puked in my fridge last night while I was trying to get water
He showed up in booty shorts and no shirt and said dont laugh dont ask questions and give me a fucking final and no one in class said anything we just sat there speehless
I woke up and found cookies in my purse. It's a 12/12/12 miracle.
Who replies to a drunk text at 6am that's like against the rules of being a designated drunk text receiver
Super stoned right now. And I stared at my exit, thought to myself "hey self. That is your exit" and I kept driving right past it.
I would eat the Denny's grand slam special out of my new probation officers b hole
Oh, the accent alone guaranteed a bj. It was when he started drunkenly singing in PERFECT PITCH that I knew I was fucking him.
i really love you but i feel kinda dumb about it
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