Dude ... paraplegic porn is really creative..
so after he got his stomach pumped, he asked for a smoking room.
At what point were we discussing suction-cupping a dildo to the wall?
I'm having a flashback of telling a guy that he was beautiful and graceful like a unicorn while playing shuffleboard.
Just reduced mom to tears when she realized I wasn't kidding about hating kids. She's crying about never being a gma. Now would be the time to tell her about the girl you knocked up. You're welcome.
He asked me when I was coming to bed while simultaneously drilling a fart into the mattress. Don't fucking get married.
I'm petty sure you said "hold on let me make my nipples hard, they look better"
I would totally lead with that as a line.'So, I was on Legends of the Hidden temple as a kid.. Your place or mine?'
I'll never get why we had to sing the entire full house theme to the cab driver.... never drinking rum again.
You jumped into so many bushes for no reason
girl pulled up to the stop sign, got out, threw up all over my hood said happy thanksgiving then drove off
I'm tripping pretty hard right now but every time a Volvo drives by I feel like everything is gonna be alright
handcuff keys just fell out of my bra....wtf happened last night?
Her handjob consisted of slapping me in the balls. I am never hooking up with her ever again ever.
I can’t shake the image of her gigantic black unibrow. It’s like I got a blowie from Eugene Levy
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