btw, but what hole was i in last night? wanna know if i have to worry
She said if it slipped out one more time she was going to duct tape it in her vagina
Mario Lopez is the poor mans Ryan Seacrest
Just saw a guy from Kansas and a guy from Nebraska arguing over who had less of an accent. God Bless the Midwest.
I need to make a 'no kissing' rule for my casual hookups during cold season...this cold is so not worth it.
They're re-releasing Titanic in 3-D. Can I interest you in a joint venture to create the greatest drinking game of all time? I think yes
I literally just wiped coffee off of the corner of my mouth with my boob because my hands were full. Thought youd be proud. Good morning!
My makeup looks extraordinary for nine tequila shots, running four blocks, falling asleep with my face in the toilet, and doing the walk of shame across campus in the rain. And to think I'm single.
Emergency nipple ring removal:vodka, tweezers, and vodka. Can you bring me a band-aid?
I know my whole body feels like I belly flopped onto concrete. Seriously need to tone it down for a while
Your dog took my vibrator out to the yard
I left her alone for a few minutes and she's already using a guy on his hands and knees as a chair while another guy is serving her margaritas.
the moment when you open a dick pic with your mom in the car... On your moms phone... Of your dad... Scarred for life
There's a guy masturbating in front of Sephora right now
He ate me out on a washing machine in the 24 hour laundromat. Whoever watches that security camera footage is getting a show!
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