We made it safely. Thanks for the call though.
first i yelled "you cant get it up?" and then in the middle of it i opened a Corona
how thoroughly do i need to sanitize the cone the vet put around my dog's neck for it to be safe to use as a beer bong?
pretty sure I called you last night to sing Hebrew to you.
My liver is begging me not to go, but sadly enough for him my feet and hands control me getting there.
I was informed that last night we held hands while puking on the curb outside the bar.
We just have a real special relationship.
It was insane. I was drunk for 11 consecutive hours. I woke up covered in almonds and there were footprints all over my shirt
Sorry, I was unaware dragging you upstairs for sex was such an awful thing.
The cop asked you after the breathalyzer what you think you blew and you very discreetly shouted "I'm pretty sure i blew Kyle on the way here "
Do you participate in Sunday morning booty calls?
Dammit! I didn't see this message, of course I do.
It is super hard to find a good vegan dominatrix! THAT'S why I'm single
Its not that it wasnt fun. Its just I got a tooth knocked out and that was my second time being arrested this year
I told my dad that he was in a band and he was all like " good job" and then he looked up the band and listened to their music and just went " oh have you disappointed me"
Well, he was practically tripping over his dick to get to me so I'd say my new dress was successful
His face will be in my vagina later so I'm willing to forgive.
Randomize
