In honor of tonight, my penis will make an appearance
I'm home alone watching The Hills seasons, eating pickles and drinking straight rye. I just googled "how to make friends". Probably not the most pro-active solution. Help.
Whats the glycemic index on semen?
She laid down on my bed and played "I want you to want me" on my laptop. subtle.
so there is either a lot of blood or a lot of wine in the shower....
We pulled over so he could pee and the next thing I know he's running down the hill by himself with his pants down
there are some nice people on this island. free ride free pancakes and they even prayed for us when they dropped us off
We role played last night. I was Brandon Inge and she was some slut from Toledo. Let's just say Triple A might not be so disappointing after all.
The amount of alcohol I'm going to consume on my birthday is directly proportional to the amount of shit I've had to put up with this past year. Which is a lot.
Well this lady at the bar told me I was a natural on the tambourine and that it was my God given talent. and then she gave me a tambourine.
Yeah I just gotta do it so that my major doesn't find out. Doesn't look good having a stripper teach your 3rd grader
Going to dump some dried Xanax powder into some Mac and cheese. Can't think of a better way to avoid tasting it.
I think the blind guy i flirt with on a regular basis is starting to realize he's old enough to be my father. I can't tell if he's into it or not.
The thing about pooping in the woods during hunting season is you never know if someone's watching you.
New drinking game, drink every time Rhianna says "Work" in her new song.
Randomize