Just turned elections for the sorority into a drinking game. Right on.
He's a fan of Alicia Keys on Facebook. It doesn't NEED to say 'interested in men'.
This is worse than the time I broke into Subway to steal bread.
According to the transitive property, he has now had dick in his mouth.
Oh no I havn't even told you about the naked asians yet
they would be such cute babies and they would grow up to have huge dicks. and that would make me proud as a mother
you can't wake me up at 4am to suck your dick and then give me a high five at the bar
We bought a hamster while completely stoned and 2 hours later returned it because your mother wouldnt let you bring it in her house. You cried. a lot.
It got messy; I did a shot of seamonkeys.
You're such an expert partier. I feel like 22-year-old recent graduates should have to intern with you.
I'm a pro at the other 9-5
You can't be friends with my side piece. Conflict of interest.
I'd be 10x more excited if going out didn't require pants or the general giving of fucks
do you think our homemade porn will pass for my cinematography final?
she fell asleep in a torn bush after playing cards at a nursing home.
HEY I WILL KIDNAP THE FUCK OUT OF YOUR PET GOAT
Randomize