Do you think this abandoned cigarette has herpes? cuz I'm tempted.
i just licked mashed potatoes off my blackberry. i'm not even ashamed to admit that to you.
I just experienced a full blown christian wedding. I am SO GLAD YOUR WEDDING WASNT THIS.
You told me alcohol would be the death of you then ordered 10 shots of tequila.
she was handing out condoms w/ her number on them...
I asked her if she was the outdoorsy type, she replied "I had sex on a fourwheeler once, does that count?"
He just asked me if I'd be interested in couples therapy. Fuck my life.
Dude, seduce him with cookies. You almost turned me gay with scones. Don't be surprised when they get you laid.
She legitimately thought I was hiding in the fridge, then she checked the second one to be sure
Sorry brah. Drastic times called for drastic measures and I had to go home and bang a cougar.
How is it possible that I'm still a virgin and you've managed to have sex in a cheetah print onesie TWICE
I told her my blood type was O Positive and we started making out. Bio majors are weird.
I shaved my balls for you. Do you have any idea how hard that is?
We literally laid down in the back of my car and had sex in a parking lot and it was in the top 3 best moral-less decisions I've made.
The amount of guys I've turned down for you is disgusting... You better love me.
Randomize
