There are no words to adequately express my gratitude for sending me porn you found staring a former classmate.
I get a nice feeling when i open my fridge and see it filled with thirty beers and half a leftover jimmy johns pickle.
her sex was completely horrible but her weed was great. imma ask her out again
Being a slut is okay if you're being a polite slut, right?
The best part about drinking boxed wine is you can blow up the bag and use it as a pillow
We're taking a shot every time Landon Donovan takes a shot. It's clever, sort of.
Also I can show up hungover, fall asleep at my desk, and smell like a bottle of whiskey, and they still like me more then my shitty co worker
He jumped into a mall fountain. I don't think that warrants a lifetime ban or the disorderly persons charge, but whatever. Fuck you Pennsylvania.
You threw a handful of caps into a pitcher of Heineken and asked everyone if they wanted to go "bobbing for molly"
Moral of the story: next time my plans include you and bourbon, I'm packing a toothbrush.
sex on a roof was cool and all but that superhero argument was the best part of the night hands down
He usually doesnt care about me cumming but last night he really tried, I feel that him going to the Womens March benefitted my sex life
How does one take the "you're the best sex I've ever had but I'm marrying someone that's sub-par in the sack" mind fuck?
I pity the fool.
Thanks Mr T.
on a campus of 30,000 people, i should not be able to see every single guy I've ever hooked up with at one party.
are you comparing glasses to pregnancy
Randomize
