I feel fat after drinking my meal replacement shake.
I added chocolate sauce, a bsg of m&ms and a crushed up brownie to make it taste better.
I just realized that i have never seen about 30 percent of my friends sober before
My boyfriend cheated on me...what do I do?! :( JK IM BREAKIN UP WIT DAT
I remember why I come home for the holidays. Sam Adams is the cheapest beer in the fridge
so i told him i have my period and he put his head by my vagina and said "I HATE YOU!"
You were rubbing your foot on one of your legs and kept saying, "My sock feels like a waterslide!"
Hovering on the line between her being fuckable and me being too drunk to fuck. Life's juggling act in progress here.
I think our camping neighbours like us. We're the drunk girls trying to chop firewood with no pants on at 3 in the afternoon.
ok. can u leave the new roommate a list of instructions for me? like what i need to be fed and when i need to be exercised?
Corn dogs constantly. And all.the time
I maxed out my credit card last night on powdered donuts and beef jerky
I'm in Florida in a retirement community the fuck am I supposed to do but watch tv and disgrace Jesus
Idk maybe I'll talk to him once he gets out of jail just to yell at him and get my strawberry ice cream back.
See, this is why you don't do nice things for people. You'll get stuck in the snow and you won't catch a dick.
Girl you're stalking so hard you're gonna know both their social security numbers soon
Yeah, let's go with that. Fuck that weak moment of complete honesty I just had.
Randomize
