i got lost in a forest last night. this morning I realized the "forest" was just 6 trees on campus.
how are you gonna miss the world cup? other than the olympics it's our last way to assert our dominance over China after this economic bull shit
Just saw a woman with a Pomeranian in her bra. Way to step up your game Seattle.
we agreed that it was acceptable to get the cat high as long as we gave her a lot of food.
I'm being responsible and going as a gay, slutty Mormon missionary. It's responsible because I'll have a bike helmet on for when I fall over because I'm too shitfaced to stand upright. It's safer than Count Fagula. I just need to come up with a line equal or greater than "Blaaaa I want to suck your dick"
Chasing shots with sriracha-covered mini toast was, in retrospect, not the best idea.
She got tired so now we're making anyone who has a stupid idea go into her bedroom so she can sleepslur "good idea" or "baaaad idea." We're calling her the queen of the misguided.
I just gate-crahed a party and met a state senator, so I had an interesting afternoon jog.
I'm sorry but the visual image of you suffocating on vagina is basically hysterical
I have a gay crossdressing neighbor that's dresses up as a slutty pirate. 6 beers from now I would have hit on him. I hate halloween.
I partied with 2 slutty ninja turtles from Sweden last night, I Love Halloween.
I was a little curious what "unspeakable" things he could possibly do to my feet
Dude, you need better judgement.Trust me I know. I put my dick in the wrong mouths all the time
Believe me honey Imma fuck the discount out of at least one plastic surgeon in my life
Was make out with a 38 year old lesbian on our bucket list? if it was you can go ahead and cross that one off.
Saddle up bitches, we're going to an orgy.
Randomize
