I just sat in the Taco Bell drive-thru waiting for a trash can to take my order. Yes, that high.
ok watching intervention on tv. when i hit rock bottom - i wanna be THIS chick.
im guessing your the one that tried to make bacon in the toaster
I woke up hungover and opened my laptop to find that i had googled alcoholism again
let's get her a shirt that says "i went to key west for spring break and all i got was this illegitimate child."
she just uttered the sweetest sentence in the english language...my stripper friends are coming over
Still had my bottle opener ring on. Started to give him a hand job. LOL
There's strippers and bear every where so ether you gave me the wrong address or this is the coolest birthday party thrown for a seven year old ever.
Is it too early to start a donation jar for my 4th of july hospital bills?
A guy in the dance floor is raising the roof with an axe in hand. I love Halloween.
i'm not sure what happened last night.. i do remember the police calling me to find out where i was because apparently at some point i went missing? don't worry though. they found me
Can finally say I won't be lonely this Valentine's day! Mother nature decided to drop by.
All because of that GODDAMNED MIKE PENCE.
I'm at the drive thru window, five minutes out. If the bathtub is empty or you're dressed when I arrive I'm not sharing.
Call me a snob but I'm not banging chicks with more fingers than teeth.
Randomize
