this girl and her friend just showed up at my house. standing together, theylook exactly like the number 10. this has cockblock written alllllll over it.
when i start to cry when i lose at mario kart is when you should put me to bed
i'm sitting pantsless eating potato chips and watching porn before he picks me up for our date. I hope he's ready for this...
It's shit like that that makes me wish being deaf was contagious
Can you explain to me later why there's a pirate hat in my bathtub
I'm sitting next to some random guy in a gorilla suit drinking out of a bottle of vodka.
He's majoring in Religion
Why are there two phone calls to calgary police in my phone and why is there a voicemail from you asking for bail money
I swear to god those aren't related
Doesn't matter how many times we tell him the kid's a freshman, he keeps repeating "cupcake boy shall be mine" and honestly you need to intervene
I just want to sing to him and rub baby oil on his head
Yeah i like want to be friends with him. And if we have sex in the physics library well thats fine with me
All I know for sure is, I went to bed drunk and I woke up in a relationship..I think I need to reevaluate my drinking skills.
Riding your boyfriend's dick for an hour then waitressing for 8 hours. Would not recommend.
Good luck. While you're suffocating on a dick, I'll be eating pizza rolls. Being a good girl.
I thought I came here to hook up, not for a Study Abroad 101 session
When I told her I was deaf and took my hearing aids out at night to sleep, she said it must be nice not having to hear drunken roommates having awkward sex late at night.
Randomize
