Please don't use social media to get back at me.
Hold on im havin a staring contest with my cat
I should have kept drinking, a coma can't be as bad as this hangover
Tell me why I keep soberly hesitating to go pee in fear of breaking the seal. Thank you college.
HE HAS A FUCKING TWIN. HE HAS A TWIN. I'M NOT DRUNK THERE IS TWO OF THEM.
Just walked out of my apartment and came face to face with a shirtless dude playing with his balls and trying to tie his shoes.
I'm at the bar alone. Is this how you feel?
I just got head while watching air force one. Harrison ford would be proud.
Oooo. Can we pretend to be Amanda Bynes?
She bought wigs like Disney princesses. I want to be her.
who is that guy in your bed? he looks like jesus..way to keep it festive
His buddy came running in the room after we had sex, and started "sponging" the sweat off my forehead with his sport wristband.
I got laid two nights in a row
And none for Gretchen Wieners...
She said she was sober from drugs for a week. All I heard was Kenny Loggins singing Danger Zone.
Justin has passed out on the toilet in a locked stall. Stay tuned for pics.
THREE MINUTES! THREE MINUTES PAST MIDNIGHT I STSRT HEARING CHRISTMAS MUSIC ON THE OVERHEAD PA SYSTEM!!!
Randomize
