She's JV to your varsity
Also, i'm pretty sure i've had my birth control pill stuck in my throat since like...two pm. So i'll be practicing safe oral sex tonight.
I had to write an apology letter to security guards in the hotel so I didnt get kicked out
All I remember is apologizing to his sister for being a bad influence while I was throwing up into a big gulp cup.
Im sitting in church with a backpack full of beer bottles. This is friendship.
I used his computer to order the pizza and the only thing he had in his search bar was 'text NASA'
Her fortune said that she will soon be free. She's taking her bra off at the table.
All I do lately is eat steak, drink warm beer, watch porn, and avoid booty calls when I'm too lazy to take a shower. I think the apocalypse turned me into a dude.
I'd google it, but I don't really want my search history to say, "Name for masturbating on a flight."
Also, I've finally come to the point in the relationship when having sex with socks on is ok.
Holy shit my cat won't leave the lube alone
I CAN SPEAK THE LANGUAGE OF THE ANIMES.
We were like one big happy Eskimo family.
Yay I only have ONE giant mystery bruise from yesterday
....I just did my boss
I love you. And I will hold your hand as we skip on the road to hell.
Randomize
