Today I realized that I've had whole drunk relationships with people. And sober me has and wants no part in it.
I just tried to put my feet in my slippers and found cans of beer in them. Christmas in fucking july.
My dad is complaining about how his computer keeps getting viruses. I don't have the heart to tell him he needs to stop downloading so much porn.
Going to Kmart high is like jumping in a time machine back to the 80s
Is it obsessive that I keep picking my crazy sex rug burn scab so it leaves a scar I can remember him by?
The fact that its 10am on a gameday and I have yet to shotgun is absurd
It's like that depressing moment when you drop your cocaine in the snow.
Currently in the bathroom stall of a gay bar in new haven giving myself an anti throw up pep talk
Well when you get back to your computer, there's a nice explanation of pansexuality on your Skype.
She was touching herself and looking a shoes online. My debt is bad enough without bringing that hot mess into my life.
Oh boy. Send him a care package with laxative cookies and alcohol. So he can shit himself while he's passed out drunk.
When I was drunk texting him about three ways he seemed more interested in just seeing me. And that's when I knew something was wrong with him
His gf just liked my changed relationship status. She's gonna shit bricks when she finds out he left her for me. Bless her little heart.
I didn't want to hook up with him so I just jumped out of bed, yelled "I don't even believe in god!" and ran out of the room
That’s all I need in life: vibrators, butt plugs, strawberry lube, and sour gummies
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