im pretty sure there are laws against slapping prostitutes
i'm pretty sure there are laws against prostitutes.
walk of shame with early morning football tailgaters. niice.
I'm wearing this super skanky ass dress that's wayyy to slutty for church but I think Jesus will appreciate it because i look so bangin for his bday.
My vagina makes bad decisions like its her job
I may be the first guy in history to get dome while watching An Extremely Goofy Movie.
whatever it's my dick and i'll put it wherever i want
Well, I just did coke with a drag queen in a bathroom so that's the direction this night is taking
It would be like if I said I had the cure for cancer and my explanation was I like turtles.
I fell into his fridge. I want to leave.
That's just weird. That doesn't make sense sexually at all. I mean, you might as well tape a pen to the tip and try and write your name while you're at it.
"what's it like being a dancer turned stoner" well, i can change the netflix using my feet mid bongrip, so there's that.
I can't possibly be the only person who has ever eaten Cheetos with a spoon to avoid the powder getting in my fingers
Im pretty sure I didnt bang him becasue I woke up at 6am to him jerking off with a fleshlight right next to me in bed ... He made himself cum and was moaning my name ... MOST AKWARD EXPIERENCE OF MY LIFE
My boss asked me what was wrong today and I really wanted to tell her I woke up too late to smoke a bowl before coming in
Let me guess you did your hair instead? Has anyone told you about priorities?
someone stole my phone at the bar last night, naturally, it led to me waking up in the bartender’s bed
Randomize
