Oh shit. I just had to lure him into the bedroom so I could take the list of his negative qualities off the fridge so he wouldn't see.
i found your underwear in my bra... i dont even remember how this happened.
shit. all i remember is the look on your moms face.
Dude, I just saw a sixteen year old girl in a catholic school uniform buying a pregnancy test... With a coupon!
how should i go about explaining the hickey i drunkenly gave myself last night?
his profile picture is a blurry one of him holding a beer. i recognized him instantly.
i'm not sure if i'm mentally prepared for this.. politeness? proper grammar? book reader ? this is a whole new meaning of the species penis for me.
i could have sworn she did an overextended split with her legs over her head but now i think it was just the drugs
Not sure if it is a new high or new low, but i left a basket on the porch of the sorority I woke up at. It had a description of the Minnie Mouse I woke up next to, and Plan B.
Ski vacations are for hooking up with randoms. It's like I don't even know you
People don't tend to fuck with you when they think you have someone else's blood on your face
I'm sexting at my family's 4th of July BBQ and I feel no shame....
Puked in the trash can. Took a bite of someone's breadstick and kept dancing and drinking
Last night I had a dream that I changed my last name to Vodka. what does that say about my life?
well we started off by chasing vodka with chocolate milk and ended up trying to befriend a crippled raccoon so that should tell you how our night went
I feel like my entire body is ashamed of me today
You're a god amongst men today
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