Who is this?
Who do you want it to be?
Sarah Palin
I've got the updo, bangs, and glasses, but I'm blonde
I'm pretty sure his head is too big to fit between my legs. Worthless.
I think I'm going to go home and read The Bible.
i'd rather walk the sahara in a snuggie with no water than take a bicycle cab
I'm currently witnessing my drunk neighbor attempting to fold laundry on his front lawn. I think he's trying to spell out HELP.
Don't worry. I told him just because you've gargled some balls in the past doesn't mean you'll be handling his.
I really wanted that to be shared. Thank you.
rolling absolute tits, turn on the red lights for when i get home.
If you haven't seen a huge black man in tiny red snowflake shorts that barely cover his dick, then you don't know what I'm going through.
So it turns out that my mom and her dad used to hook up when they were our age
Never been so glad that I look so much like my dad that there's no question as to my paternity
I may or may not have told him that he's "the only one with a PHD in this pussy"... I should like direct cheesy porno flicks or something.
You must be buzzed on Miller Lite.. Zen master advice is flowing
It's times when I'm naked but also want to be platonically social that I miss you the most.
Who told you he won a fight? He slammed his face into the ground while trying to do 11 push-ups
That guy u hooked me up with kept calling me james while were doing it...
He deliberately gets me high because he knows I fuck better and then I make food for two. I don't know if I should feel mad or proud of him for thinking that far.
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