Is it normal to miss your booty call?
I'm returning our mountain of beer cans, while wearing a Budweiser sweatshirt. i don't look like an alcoholic.
Did you know they have alcohol AND weed delivery in Canada??? I'm not EVER coming home
I'm not saying we can't have sex tonight, I'm just saying we have to work it around Lost.
I know your texting costs money, but I'll pay for it if you consider this. Oversized frozen jello shots. I'll buy everything needed if you approve. Let me know
Anal and Aoki tickets...I'd say I give pretty good Valentines Day gifts.
You should really trust me on this one. "hit it and quit it" might not be the best career move on your part...
Sunshine is the equivalent of sprinkling whore pellets on campus.
i dont know whats weirder. that i told him he stabbed me in my dream or that he told me i wasnt the first girl to tell him theyve been killed by him in a dream
Some girl just walked passed me, said "fuck yeah!" and is now crawling up the stairs
He must be a special kind of stupid to cheat on a women who works at a funeral home. Does he not understand you can get rid of dead bodies easier than most Americans?
Ok thats great. so just to recap: you fucked a billionare in his penthouse last night, and I had a glass of wine on the toilet.
Was it you that ate my bacon or do I have to rip my roommate's face off?
sending my old camp counselor nudes. childhood memory win or new low?
I quit doing blow for him. If that doesn’t say “I’m in love with you and want to marry you” idk what does
Randomize
