I bet when she looks at herself in the mirror she wishes brown paper bags were in fashion.
My hand turned me down
Only a mothe r could love this liver
what kind of dress can i wear to my high school reunion that says "even though i'm more successful than all of you i'm still up for sex"?
Lesson learned. Never get fingered on an airplane.
i don't know how it's possible. but i just bought groceries for a week with the money i made off returning empties
Or I could just give you a blow job and make it up to you.
No, that's okay. Don't worry about it.
Going once.....twice.........sold to the girl who didn't really wanna do it anyway.
im sure shes a lovely person but i cant be friends with someone that doesnt drink. its just not right.
casual night just sitting in the kitchen at 2 am eating stale chips and hot sauce while my friends younger sister is cleaning all the blood off my body
There are twenty thousand men on this campus, please have sex with someone who isn't my drug dealer
Ok there's 63 pics of you jerking it on my camera from New Years. The time stamps say it took you 40 min to get there too. See a doc, your only 22.
How do you get the "hangs out with drunk assholes" insurance
HAMMERED.. I made a peanut butter and jelly sandwich with toilet paper instead of bread...
Haha! I swear, it's like I'm talking to Buddha with a slutty agenda. You are so full of wisdom.
the sex got boring after the first three hours
holy shit
Randomize
