Did you ever notice that cashews look like fetuses?
we may have ended up at a gay bar on accident. we're gonna work this to get free drinks.
Sitting on the floor in my kitchen eating taquitos. Being this drunk the next day has lost its allure post graduation.
Night out in new white coat = success. Offered free breast exams all night, two took me up on it, woke up with one. I love medical school!!!
We decided that the paper cups disintegrating was god's way of telling us we had had enough
I've heard so many rumors about me being taken home in an ambulance I'm starting to believe them.
Then she yelled something like "YOU HAVE SO MANY FORKS!" before collapsing on the floor
Update: I just puked into a sock. It was the only thing available at the time. Why I happened to be holding a sock, we may never know.
He whinnies like a horse when he's cumming. I wish I would have known this before we got into a relationship.
Just lifeguarded a kid's party hungover so I could afford to go out drinking tonight. Circle of life shit goin on here.
Don't be too mad at the guy who broke your kitchen table. Didn't get his name, but he knew all about your gay porn career. Like DETAILS...
I used my iced coffee to ice the bump on my head from last night
I just got high and swiffered the bathroom floor....2 for 2 on brilliant life ideas
I'm experimenting with sincerity
Who put my cat in the fridge?
Randomize
