; Think of how many worthless people would b non existant if there was no liquor so their parents never hooked up
Hahahhahaha! Oooh get it! Ugh I am so dead but if I go to the lib whuich I will hopefully b havung sex instead, ill hit u up
I got three cases. When they asked for id I said it was suspended for drunk driving.
i awoke yet another morning with penis breath. ive been so generous santa has to bring me a shit ton of presents
It took him 5 seconds to cum and then he wanted to hold my hand all night
He ended our Skype call with, "I'm going to poop and then go play my ukulele in the park."
the night probably should have been over when the guy let her fill out my mechanical bull waver for me because i couldn't read
That idiot. I'll see him on campus and he'll try and touch me like we're friends or some shit. 1.you're ugly 2. You dropped the blunt in the pool
You want to complain about your sex life to me? Right now mine consists of trying to masturbate lightly enough not to wake her up with bed shakes. Go. Fuck. Yourself.
Ill go to bed but tamed sharks isnt so much of a bad idea. Not for riding
And then I went through the chix filet drive through for breakfast in all my republican post sex glory
He was the highest I've ever seen. Almost had him convinced there are only three colors in the rainbow...
She's the prison bitch to my Martha Stewart.
The amount of illegal things I've done this weekend is astounding.
We should write a country song: “Blacked Out on a Sunday”
Randomize
