So they call this "a walk of shame" but fuck that...this walk is fantastic. What kind of debbie downer came up with that name?
may or may not have recieved head in the car before we came in.
First straight guy ever blown in a Prius. Congrats.
Ah, the precious few moments between when i wake up and when i realize why i'm sleeping on a treadmill.
CNN just did a special on how to do heroin safely.. I recorded it for us
It was so weird. I had like an out of body experience. I heard the moaning, but I didn't know it was me.
the meat mosque collapsed into the alcohol moat
Okay well someone asked "IS HE HOMELESS?" about me so I need to try and find somebody.
The bosnian sent me a sext with his dick next to a comcast remote. It went up to the "stop" button. Ironic and appropriate. Grab your remote and imagine it.
You've ruined television for me.
The sad thing is; I'm getting used to walking around feeling like I could hurl at any minute.
we're going to the olympic park to run the 100m yeaaaahhh
it's 3am. Nothing could possibly go wrong here.
My last google search is "how to build a flamethrower"
Don't feel sorry for me. I'm getting Red Lobster and sex tonight. Nothing can bring me too far down.
There should be a Doritos delivery van or something.
If you binge watch Bill Nye Saves the World without me you can consider yourself single
As a BFF it is your duty to answer when I drunk call you at 3 in the morning because I couldn't find a knife to cut that cake. I finally found one, fell asleep with it and the cake in bed. K thanks bye.
Randomize
