do you believe in love at first sight?
awwwwww =)
yea.. so can i have your sisters number? thanks!
She just asked me if I was going to kiss her cat goodby too... This is why we don't stay till last call.
I keep having to talk dad out of putting tequila in the milkshakes.
I walked in on her just letting her nose bleed into her friend's hands
im pretty sure the clearest way to say "dont worry, im not emotionally attached" was by sleeping with his roommate the next night
The worst thing about it is now I have to find someone else to fuck in the library.
Why don't you throw your vagina at it and see what happens?
my pupils became my eyes and i slept with a cloth in my mouth again
The multiple male orgasm is a real thing. I've seen it. I've caused it. I called him a unicorn.
My mom just said we can't get married in nude body suits to look like earthworms. She's ruining my life.
I feel fine lol. I tried climbing a tree but the branch broke and I got arrested.
holy f. i broke my toe giving him head. how does that even happen!?
Some nights you do cocaine till 5:00 in the morning, and the next night you teach yourself how to crochet. It’s called balance.
I promised to leave my panties on but I didn't promise to not have sex
Point in my hangover when I'm honestly not sure if I'm about to puke, or shit my pants.
Randomize
