If I had a sex resume I'd get tons of jobs.
So right when I was pulling her underwear off with my teeth, she told me, "Stick your penis in my 'nanners." Needless to say, there was no penis-'nanner interaction.
then he pulled down his pants, and i just stared for about a minute..... i was so confused. i didnt know my cat could have a bigger penis than an 18 year old man.
I don't remember. I think I elluded to the fact that I would buy him a dildo for his birthday.
The only way i can get arrested is public drunkenness or defacing a national monument. Trust me, i have already looked it up.
Reason 37 booty call break ups suck: I literally could not find his house in the daytime.
Then you started screaming that this was the first time you did e and that you had a 4.8 gpa, that was right before you almost suffocated between that one girl's tits.
Good idea. You gotta take care of your vagina. She takes care of you. Pay it forward.
We're having chugging races with long island ice tea, I won. To often
My main goal for tomorrow night is to make it back into my own bed
I truly just stopped puking in my 730 am calculus class, looked up, corrected my professor, then resumed puking my eyes out. He was both impressed and disgusted.
I was dancing with a blow torch in one hand and a bowl of weed in the other
it was just another one of those moments where you unfriendzone a friend you assumed to be gay
He was eating my ass and came up for air, I almost choked laughing because he had a toilet paper cling on stuck in his mustache
If those panties could talk.
"Once upon a time, Jenny got chlamydia from a magician. The end."
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