Pregnant stripper...not hot.
What did we do last night that was yellow?
is it bad that the economy has gotten so bad that finding cheap gas gives me the same excitement and joy as finding a hot, blonde haired, blue eyed, tall, athletic single straight guy?
kindergarten is hard when you're hung over.
You told the cops that they couldn't arrest you because they weren't hot enough to fuck
his mom and I have the same butterfly tramp stamp. don't ask how that came up
"Tuesday" and "open-bar" shouldn't be used in the same sentence.
The kids I taught this morning even knew i was drunk. One of them even said, and I quote, "You smell like my dad after he goes bowling."
Can you give me a hickey quick? Im going to a white trash themed party. Completely serious
Pizza and koolaid didn't even make me feel better. This hangover means business
He's 5'2" and his dick 4'8"
drunk me cartwheeled over a turtle sandbox & slit my foot open on a cinder block. how do you explain that to a doctor?
Fuck my life he IS a stripper, Ive been sleeping with a stripper named Phoenix. damnit, I knew the sex was too good
Ive seen a birth plenty of times, pretty awesome like a bear trying to climb out of a volkswagon.
I was giving him head and he slipped one of those hats with propellors on top on my head.
Randomize
