Reason #3 women are better than men: texting and peeing simultaneously. Write THAT in the fucking snow.
wicked high...have munchies. cherry flavor lube. problem solved.
I think thanksgiving was created so we could all be thankful that we're still alive after the night before.
She's a virgin AND a minister's daughter. We're one schoolgirl outfit from the dear penthouse trifecta
last nights episode of shot friends brought to you by polish vodka and flamingo baseball. pickles cure hangovers.
I can't break up with him, I ran the math. Taking into account his 7 inch penis and the standard deviation from average, almost 90% of guys should have a smaller penis than he does.
Really? Penis math? This is why guys shouldn't date female engineers.
I should have known our good time had gone to shit when his ankle bracelet started flashing.
just found out I caught the bouquet at the wedding. I win for being the drunkest yet most functional bridesmaid.
I have the slightest memory of swinging a bag full of condoms over my head...
She left me naked in my bed and without my phone I had her give me her phone number on the calculator on my laptop. It might be fake.
But on the plus side, what he lacked in size he made up for with speed. And grunting.
That was the first time I ever heard of a female getting road head while driving... thanks for the memory and making me happy ending..
I literally have anal toys soaking in the bathroom sink and dinner on the stove. If that doesn't scream "domestic goddess", I don't know what the fuck does.
Does this cleavage amount say, “Fuck it, I’m over dating, let’s just fuck?”
How high do u want to get? Just kind of high or yelling at swans high...
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