I either date the nice guys or the assholes. There isn't any in between.
You need to find a taint.
do you know why i have a volvo grill taped to the back of my car?
I almost didn't wake up for my first day of work. The 3rd bottle of champagne was a mistake. And the 2nd bottle of wine after that was probably excessive
no dont talk to me..because of you my bar tab was more expensive than my hospital bill
And just when I was about to fall asleep, he hit me in the face, and claimed he's a "violent sleeper".
We're doing kegstands for my 80th Bday, so don't lose that muscle tone.
Just realized Ive had sex in or around each thing listed in Green Eggs and Ham besides the fox.
The lady sitting right behind me on the bus has baby birds in her purse. Shes feeding them bugs from a cup with a pair of tweezers... I love san francisco!
I'm on acid right now in three feet of snow. I NEEEED YOOOOUUUU
I just wrote a love letter to my weed and texted it to my cousin. I can't say it any differently. It happened.
Dude I was tripping acid when she was crying and I literally couldn't defend myself
Just remember: We don't tell our English professor about our fetishes unless she specifically asks about them.
It's going to turn into you and me throwing down in a devastating lip-synch battle while everyone else stands around awkwardly.
At some point you said you just wanted to get laid, so we had a moment of silence for your dead sex life...
Wtf did i hit my head on?
Tequila
Randomize
