So the waitress at the Chinese Buffet totally just said "Adios" to a Hispanic couple. There's something you don't see every day.
just ate frosted cheerios in coffee with some marshmellows. the college diet begins
I saw a girl walking around campus with bandages on both her knees. I need to get her number.
if we dont hook up this weekend, im doing both his roommates
stopped you just in time from sledding down the roof.
drunk doesnt even begin to explain it. he said he was going to get playing cards from the lobby and came back 20 minutes later with a full set of sheets.
I WILL MAKE A FLYING LEAP FOR YOUR DICK WHEN I SEE YOU THROUGH THE WINDOW
I think as far as last words to bitter ex girlfriends go, "enjoy that staph infection youre about to get in your uterus" is right up there with the best
Look I know it's late and I hope this doesn't wake you up but I feel like you should know that I'm sleeping on my couch in my own apartment so that my friend can get laid in my bed, and I would do the same for you.
How was the picnic?
We played softball, except our team sucked. In one hand was a mitt, the other a beer.
Why didn't you put them down?
No beer left behind.
Not great. "Leave the toilet seat down, it gives me somewhere to rest my face."
Three months into our sexual relationship, he comes out with "Your body is efficient". WTF do I do with THAT?
Was looking through my phone and saw that drunk me took a tit pic in the Denny's bathroom..
Why did I wake up with BYOB sharpied on my stomach
Slept with a member of the band last night, found out today after extensive stalking he’s engaged. Pro tip: don’t research one night stands.
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