I was just curling my hair topless and I just burned my nipple. Ouch.
Hurry. And bring back up. SHE WON'T STOP TALKING.
i found your underwear in my bra... i dont even remember how this happened.
shit. all i remember is the look on your moms face.
i'm pleased to announce i can now open a bottle of wine with my shoe if called upon to do so.
I'm on page 4.
Im on beer infinity
you know it's bad when you need sunglasses to open the refrigerator
You wrote me a letter and I cannot make out anything you wrote except the last sentence which says "tell the wolf ill meet him at sunset and that I'm sorrry"
And to think..we used to do everything sober...
I knew things were bad when I walked in on you feeding juice to your iPhone
I'm sorry, you're actually right. Ostrich racing happens, and they're ridden like a horse. Bewildered and distraught.
This is what happens when wu tang raised you
So, just saw a lady hysterically sobbing in a Walmart at 3 AM. Someone's not having a happy mother's day.
I'll send you pictures of my nipples so you don't feel left out.
Just remember, it's never too late to make a porno
Why is no one on Snapchat tonight? I want to see other people having fun so I know it still exists.
Randomize
