so the situation is a+b=c where "a" is how much you weight, "b" is my gravitational pull, and "c" is how erect your penis is.
I know I'm really high but I swear I just saw him beating off to his fantasy football roster.
he asked me if i wanted "a hit" off his inhaler. its definitely time for a new roommate
I say that when we get our grades back we're making a drinking game out of it.
Just jerked off to Cameron Diaz in "My Sister's Keeper". New low.
4pm on a Sunday....roomate fucking like a wildabeast while I have a organic chemistry study group in my kitchen.
Can you give me a hickey quick? Im going to a white trash themed party. Completely serious
Crying in the liquor store is not a good look
Man, I wish they all looked like that. Your vagina deserves to have a nice frame around it, and God's signature at the bottom.
Can I just put my face in your boobs and forget the world?
Male strippers are involved. You are coming
Told her my spirit animal was the spread eagle. Now that's my name in her phone.
This 35 year old just told me that he was headed to the dance floor and it was about to get real dangerous......was that an invite?
Have you ever looked at someone and thought…oh honey, you're too pretty for an ankle monitor
9 am booty call on your ex's birthday. Fuck yea
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