He just asked me if I ever had the urge to put a zucchini in my ass.
And then he came out of the bathroom in a kimono
He said I was the smartest girl he had ever dated, that should have been a sign from the beginning
this year's halloween challenge: make audrey hepburn go from classy to slutty drunk
You put Smirnoff in your grape juice and called it communion...
I kept resisting the urge to yell "2 for 2!" so they could hear me on the other side of the wall.
Just took a shower for the sole purpose of getting off without using my hands... I've reached a new level of summer-lazy.
Getting high in the car with mom and the aunts during intermission for drag queen bingo. Details later.
I can't believe you guys got into a sword fight over a chicken nugget
Oh, so that's where all the scratches came from...
I was going to be upset with you on moral grounds but then i realized free chocolate was involved
You lost me at unexpected butt stuff. Everything else I would probably do.
...I just melted into my bed. I am one with the bed. I am 600 thread count.
So now your dad has seen my tits. You could have told me he was coming by to help paint.
I didn't think you'd be painting the kitchen topless.
I couldn't find a shirt I was willing to ruin.
When you wanted to give that guy at McDonalds your number you asked the cashier if you could borrow "a pen or just like a straw with his blood on it". He gave you a pen.
This is why I love being gay. I could never afford that much birth control.
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