too bad you can't see the clap by looking at her face.
she is a standing ovation.
Here's an idea...how about I take shots by myself and drunk dial you around noon?
He busted his lip while trying to keep from passing out in the pool. The hotel people don't seem to be too concerned that we're passing around a bottle of SoCo at 11 am.
Sorry girl, my dick is like a rollercoaster. You only get a picture after you ride
Neighbor who got arrested at 3am just said he'd split the $ with me if I testify as the witness in his police brutality trial. He was also holding a baby and a case of beer.
Apparently getting dressed is an all-day activity.
He always finds the good stuff. He's like a truffle pig for bud.
I think we've reached the point in the summer were we need to go back to school. I was so bored yesterday I nearly bought blow dart gun.
I'll pass on that plan. The lack of my penis in new vaginas is no where on the itinerary.
He wasn't excited for the fifty shades of grey trailer, so I told him we're done
Just laying in bed with my vibrator eating cold tortillas and listening to Savage Garden.
I already plan to donate my brain to science so they can attempt to fully understand the complexities of my existence
she's pretty fucking smug for someone who has had unprotected sex with a convicted felon
I come home to my brother mixing skittles and vodka. We're all proud of him.
I couldn't be more proud to be a cougar. Just wondering how these twenty somethings learned how to fuck so well? Must be porn.
Randomize
