I JUST WOKE UP ON A TRAIN
I SHUDNT B ON A TRAIN
It was good sex. She was screaming so much I didn't know whether or not my name was Matt or God.
you know that saying beer then liquer makes you sicker, it should be beer then pickles makes you throw up alot, everywhere.
I heard from anne today. She has a broken collarbone and is knocked up. Apparently florida is awesome
This will be amazing. Plus he's going to do a line of cocaine off of the other guy's ass.
I mean... It's a win/win situation. I mentor the kid for an hour and then I get to fuck his mom. I know deep down I'm helping them both
You were a path of destruction, you started with eating half the cake, proceeded by throwing the rest in the sink and dumping water all over it while laughing... then throwing the drunk helmet across the room yelling that you didnt want to wear it... i'd say it was a successful birthday.
If you do wifi you would be helping my penis out & real friends care about their friends penises...
OK. i'm going to add "riddle me this, brodawg" to the list of things i'm never gonna say to my boss again while i'm high.
im not trying to sound dramatic, but im covered in microwavable lasagna
I just started the bonfire using a tampon. Who knew they could have multiple uses?
Anyone who does not consider cereal and wine as a balanced breakfast needs to leave immediately.
Who knew sons of strippers would be really feminist boyfriends?
What's an appropriate gift to bring to my boyfriend's wife's baby shower?
Shame?
I wish there were more things in this world as wonderful as string cheese
Surriously
Randomize
