security doesn't like it when we pee on cars. or maybe just not theirs?
Fuck. The basement bathroom I've been getting head in for 6 months just went 'Out of Service'.
Just saw two dudes run across the street carrying a mini keg and a scaled model of the empire state building. Missed this town
The front desk girl just had that condescending welcome-home-from-your-walk-of-shame face on
It was probably because you set your bra on the couter while you found your ID...
I spent the whole weekend building houses out of popsicle sticks for my bowls. How was your weekend?
You know it's bad when I can already feel tomorrow's hangover before even drinking today.
There is not enough soap in the world to make me feel clean after last night. Im gonna need jesus for this one
I mean, you've seen me eat pizza, sober, out of a garbage can, and yet I refuse to go eat at that place. Just sayin....
To be honest, waking up to 20 naked people in my house was not the weirdest thing to happen to me in the past 24 hours
He was lasting forever and I couldn't take it so I faked an asthma attack
Lesson learned. No more vodka and toaster strudel
I'm trying to be celibate. I'm having me time. I'm eating cake.
Welcome to Missouri, the show me your genitals state.
I didn't even know his name until he texted me the next day and told me I should take a plan B pill. Thanks Danny.
I'm about to go get lunchables and alcohol. Take that adulthood
Randomize
