I'm so fucking centered right now
i've decided that sluttiness is like a disease, it can lay dormant in you for years and then one day you go to college and with all the booze and drugs and boys and time on your hands symptoms begin to show then one day BAM you're a huge slut. it's like how izzie had skin cancer and it grew into brain cancer.
kicked my backpack and turned on my vibrator in the middle of class. success.
There was an audience eating triscuts and bananas in the bathroom while watching him puke. It was a good birthday.
please tell me you didn't have sex with him in the bathroom...
Does an alley count?
We need to stop celebrating holidays that dont belong to us
I really want to title the album "I want to make sex with your face" but I also want a job someday. Temptations, temptations.
I am still STD free so as far as I am concerned I never went to panama.
I don't think anybody else enjoys making out with multiple guys on the same night as much as I do. I'm like a wine taster but with lips... it's like art to me. The bruise on my upper lip is proof of it
My office already closed tomorrow. I'm bout to get drunk and build a muh fuckin fort. I shall call it "Fort Fuck You, Sandy, You Fuckin Bitch"
Can we be in one of those super weird relationships where you carry me around everywhere?
I owe you an apology, I was appointed captain of this sexy fuckship and I fell asleep at the helm.
I ditched my one night stand in the hotel lobby. How did he add me on Snapchat?
If you're wondering about the mess, we had sex in the kitchen. There was noodles involved.
I'm more heavily invested in that tequila than you are
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