one should ask oneself what kind of lifestyle one is leading when one finds a handprint of semen on their pillow the next day.
Girl farted next to me in class and then denied my high five
We made a trail of cheez balls so we knew how to get back to te apartment.
I'm sorry I kept calling you a pussy... but to be fair, you were being a pussy.
Waking up to find your mom holding your birth control pills and telling you I suggest you take this
Dude. The only thing that I use less than my dick is my tennis racket. We need to play.
i tied my phone to a string attached to my bra. i am NOT losing it tonight
I tripped while walking across the stage and while trying to pick my diploma back up my flask fell out in front of the dean
I don't know what to think. Also, I decided to take a bath...sorry in advance if I flood the bathroom.
hes like bread. how could bread be dangeous
The beer shits the day after completing the World Beer Tour at Epcot are just as epic as the tour itself.
I have visions of guys in cheetah costumes with suits over it pissing on a children how are you
the dude in the apartments across the street got a video of me railing blake on your front steps last night
shit like this is why i dont let you drink vodka anymore ..
My roomate had an hour long melt down about her life choices not realizing I was in the middle of having sex... So yea it went pretty horribly.
Also, for real, though? Did we even have sex or were we just jumping on the bed drunk and naked...because with me that's actually a possibility.
Randomize
