OMG Im so trashed fishy! im sitting hereon my bed wif mcdonalds n i look like david hasselhoff!!!!!! kill me now
thank god he doesn't hang out with everyone else i've had sex with
well, yeah, he can't fit the whole neighborhood in his apartment
Is it a bad thing that the only time i wear nice clothes to class, is when i get too fucked up the night before and wear the same clothes i went out in?
All I did was present the dick. You did the work. That's like thanking the pencil for a test you got an A on.
Um of course I blew him. He brought me a shamrock shake. It was two o’clock in the morning on St. Patrick’s Day. There was no smoother move basically. He totally earned that head.
You did that scary laugh you always do when you're blacking out except she's never heard it before and though you were choking and screamed at all of us when we didn't call an ambulance
I just sneezed and it made my entire body ache. Hungover is an understatement
I got my first tattoo & injured myself while having sex in a national monument. I say we consider this weekend siezed.
His pick-up lines are quotes from Doctor Who. Of course I fucked him.
I went on a psycho cleaning spree so I feel I've earned the right to spend the day in bed watching porn and eating sausage biscuits. If you bring alcohol you can join me.
All other girlfriends are inferior. You are the chosen one.
4 out of 7 roommates in one month isn't that bad if you think about the fact that 3 of them were in the last 24 hours
Can you tell me why Star Wars Burlesque is pulled up on my phone from last night?
I just found your ripped underwear on my chandelier. Care to explain?
I just got the high sucked out of me. Fuck.
Being single again makes you realize how guys can go from licking your asshole one night to never texting you again
Randomize