ad ew i am wasted whats my problem
i think i have herpe
just one?
this morning i woke up with my panties on and i knew where i was. success.
I told my boyfriend my favorite food was strawberry poptarts, now my email inbox is getting spammed with nude pics of him with his dick in a poptart box..
If its allowed to Tornado at 830am then Im allowed to have a beer and a cigarette at 830am
we had a ceremony where you passed your fake id onto me in the middle of the bar. i was on my knees and you presented it to me. i don't think the bartenders were suspicious though
You just met him on Thursday, and you've already nicknamed him Golden Penis?
I hope in my next life I'm a sterile trophy wife. With a husband who showers me in wealth and gifts but can't get a hard on. Do you think my karma is good enough for that?
I don't think ill be here long the chick I came to see is blowing rails with a drag queen
He pulled out a coupon for $2.50 off the crab cakes and expected us to share that as a meal. Is that the kind of person you really see me dating?
Apparently I came into our room and told her that there should be a zipline from our window to Walgreens so that I could get chicken noodle soup
its not everyday you see batman on the ground with someone riverdancing on his face bourbon street never disappoints
I was trying to drink every time they said planned parenthood but my body isn't cut out for this.
It's a herpes check up not a beauty pageant
The sex definitely would have been a perk. But not sitting in a ditch was what I was going for...
Randomize
