Rock
Scissors
Fuck
Herpes is a lot like Arnold Schwartzenneger. Because it always comes back. Also, because it is usually in some way in control of California.
Just saw the new iPhone. I would totally let Steve Jobs and Jon Ive eiffel tower me right now.
There's two big trays of water in our freezer. I just hope they freeze by Saturday. for the ice luge.
its Wednesday...
they're reeeeeally big trays
votre penis est TRES GRAND. i used vous because your penis is SO big
My ex just sent me a message asking if she could blow me, but only if we get caught by her new bf. If she promises to swallow I'm doing it.
Lets ignore the fact that you want to turn your dorm room into a sex dungeon and focus on the real issues here.
just because the DWI class is located at the University does not make him a professor. I was duped, he is in no way, shape or form a professor!
Some dude with an OSU jersey just kissed him in the face in front of everyone. I should mention he's wearing a Panda costume. And has already been offered $20 for his suit by Plushies for oral sex.
I spent most of my night in the men's room eating popcorn on the garbage can conversing with strangers pissing
It's okay, big boobs are better than running.
What's the best day of the week to potentially find out you're pregnant with your ex's baby?
I CLEANED MY BATHROOM FOR YOU!! betrayal
God dammit everything I said last night about jungle juice being awesome just does not carry over into the next day
He was actually surprised when I poured myself a glass full of straight vodka. Clearly he doesn't know me as well as he thinks.
Randomize