Dude, the girl i fucked last night left wearing my high school musical shirt you bought me. she also left her panties here though.
The one with Zac Efrons face on it? You definitely got the short in of the stick. i'd rather have the shirt
fuck. yeah me too. i don't even think these panties would fit me
Bleh. If he hadn't ascended into heaven and sat at the right hand of the father, Jesus would be rolling over in his grave right now.
my cat ate my toast this morning while i was getting dressed. i can already tell today is going to suck.
How the fuck did I get small bruises all over my body?
Well you were laying on the couch naked after the girls left, staring into space, and I went over to the pool table and threw every ball as hard as I could at you from point blank range . You didn't flinch, blink, or scream for any of them. next time maybe you won't fuck my girl while I'm taking a shit
It's official. Every single female in their late teens and early 20s get their fb statuses from a pool of cliched "quotes" which all say, without saying, "boys treat me like shit, I know they do, but one day I'll find 'the guy' who will treat me right no matter how psychotic I am." Vom.
I really should sober up and deal with this hangover
It seems to be one of those life decisions I'm perfectly content never making though
I think a used vibrator from amazon.com is a great valentines day gift foe my ex.
i feel like this needs to be a 'lose some teeth' kind of weekend.
If a vagina could give out awards, you should be preparing an acceptance speech.
I almost spit out my drink. But only almost, because it was vodka. And you don't spit out vodka.
After 7 months of nothing.. shall we throw your vagina a party? as its reinstatement into society?
Someone broke in while we were at the bars, window is shattered but nothing got taken
Noone broke in, matt tried to pull a tyrese and punch through the window... were at the hospital.
I'm in your room because it's a safe space. Is it ok to pee in here?
I literally can not watch Thor without thinking of your dick
I wish u could call a dildo. Like you do a missing cell phone.
Randomize
