And i was thinking, 'i'm happy to be underneath you, but i wish you weren't doing THAT.'
I tried carrying you from the bathroom to your bed and you begged me to bring the toilet too
You'd be so proud. I have the flu/sore throat, so I've tied a scarf around my head and I'm microwaving jagerbombs. Let it never be said I'm not commited.
Plus my stomach has been speaking through my ass all day sending notes saying "fuck you" and "this is from your liver" or "i will kill you."
His tongue was like Jesus himself was blessing my boobs for eternal ecstasy.
I'm not so sure Jesus approves of such activities, but ok.
Do you ever feel like a plastic bag?!
I was walking around the party holding a dog on my shoulder like it was a parrot
It got quiet and we all stood around and opened the box and I've never seen so many burritos in my life man. it was fucking biblical.
He's getting Easter eggs filled with weed or Jell-O shots for his birthday
I might go to an NA meeting just to fuck that boy in the bathroom.
Did I try to sell your body for chicken tenders last night?
Never start off a conversation with "speaking of STD's..."
Is there a single word to describe 'the last guy she slept with before meeting her husband'? Cause there should be.
QUIT BEING A BITCH, DRINK SOME PEPTO, AND PUKE ON OUR FOES
Im so unlucky if I fell in a barrel of dicks, I'd come our sucking my thumb
Randomize
