you dont know how to answer ppls txts anymore?!?
im sorry, i don't get text messages.
We are like the golden girls with less cheesecake and more drugs.
It's so hard to take my boss as an authorative figure with her New Moon movie tickets taped to her wall
Is it weird I want to fuck the cartoon chick from e-surance??
she has a picture of her daughter riding a giant rooster.. of course i want to make obscene cock jokes
Don't worry, nothing happened....but we should have a fire extinguisher here.
and do you remember when you were dressing me if i had money in my bra?
I feel like letting the same guy who shot him dig the pellet out of his leg with a pocket knife was the bigger mistake
tell me why they applauded then the bartender locked himself in the bathroom when i walked into the bar today ????
I think if wine wasn't a thing I'd give up on life.
Who says no to sex and donuts?!
Double dirt bag award winner tonight. He picked me up in his wife's car.
Drunk. Send nudes. Just curious.
Considering I drank for you last night, do you mind picking up your half of the hangover
Lol. I liked you the most when we were banging random girls and trying to tag team everything. You were happier then.
Randomize
