Where did you get a picture of my penis
That's ok. I found a crab leg in my bed and have no pants on.
You convinced us both to take shots of jack Daniels through our eyes.
i wish it would rain vodka just once. i have not puked yet bring it on
Well, I'm off to go seduce a gay man. In 10 years when I'm 300 pounds, sitting in a mumu surrounded by my 500 cats, remind me of this text. That way I can be like "ohhh THERE'S where I went wrong!!"
It's gonna be one of those someone is getting divorced parties
Just broke my collar bone. May not make it to the party.
Apparently the Massachusetts Bay Transit Authority severely looks down on Chinese firedrills on a public bus
Yeah but the people love.
Definitely just realized I wore a shirt that says "building leaders for Christ" to a hookup. Roll tide.
On celebration of the Supreme Court ruling I feel it is our patriotic duty to have a threesome
I achieved maximum drunk last night. It was pretty extreme. Woke up on a couch, outside, in a suit
Am I under any obligation to let my new fuck buddy know I slept with his little sister?
What happened last night? I'm too scared to get out of bed and see the destruction.
First of all, check to see if that naked guy is still alive. He didn't look to be breathing when I left
ill give you some hints: blood, carnival, fog machine, happy meal.
Remember the Giant sandworm from the movie Dune? Well that's about how big his dick is. No bulshit.
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