you threw your tampon into someones open car window...while they were driving.
At the doctor. They're doing a flu test now. He was like "where do you think you got this?" I said "bachelor party. Strippers." he goes "okaaaay I'll put 'other'."
stalking is really helping my grade.. I followed him to a review session tonight
we did anal to Party In The USA and he busted to Firefies .. felt like we were fucking in a middle school dance
the bartender cut you off himself after you started walking on tops of tables and hugging random people
theres pictures of him knuckle deep in her, both of them thumbs up and cheesin. someone should take her kid away
Did you mean to cry when you finished last night? Or were you just that drunk?
well he somehow got his hand stuck in some bike spokes trying to reach for a blunt he dropped and that's NOT the reason he's in the hospital...?
Every time I burp I plan an escape route because I'm scared I'm gonna puke on grandma
So please don't worry, but I need some help getting blood out of my drywall so I can get my security deposit back. I would not ask if the need was not great.
We were 6 minutes into the movie before we realized the whole movie was spoken in Italian. That level of stupidly-ripped
I told him I was on my period but he says "I'm a doctor, you think I can't handle blood?" And just went for it. Jackpot
Hey, thanks for helping me this morning
Always a pleasure to feed you bread as your body lay crumpled on the floor.
Dont you look at me in that tone of voice
Last night I drank three beers and threw up in a tree house. I am ashamed.
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