No I'm not okay I had a crush on the singer of Tokio Hotel for four months and now you tell me he's a dude?
Those are some awfully high standards for someone of your weight
I wish the holidays was like a drive thru. Get in. Get your presents. Get out.
Miss Michigan hasn't even been Miss USA for 24hrs and already stripper pole pics are surfacing. Classy.
I feel like after that many guys, all of the water in your body is just replaced with pure jizz, honestly.
I promise not to drug you or anything. Please come to my birthday party.
I just showered sitting down with a sippy cup of water in there with me. It took 40 minutes. That hungover.
Sorry I got completely naked in your bed, but I feel our friendship has grown because of it.
Also, I called my liver hardcore in front of vet students last night and then wound up having three of them trying to palpate it. So...not saying that again.
i don't know man... i just want to listen to John Lennon every time i finish fucking her. is this love?
Would it kill us to punctuate. That last text took me 5 min to read
10 shots in she's sitting on the floor using the open dishwasher door as a plate to eat her "life giving" pizza.
Well. I had to explain to my niece that the word cunt is not an abbreviation for country. I'm the best aunt in the world.
I'm sitting on the couch playing the sims, how's ur night going?
I'm sitting on my floor, drinking wine, and listening to bette midlers "wind beneath my wings"
Why are our lives so predictable?
Sorry about you walking in on the whole nude kinect dancing. The new roomie was drunk and naked and told us he was either over dressed or we were under dressed for the party. And Amy figured it would be easier to join him than it would be to dress him
Randomize
