Maury Povich's contact info is in our database at work...i should steal it right?
Reindeer Drinking Games will soon commence. Get over here while we're still sober enough to answer the door.
Boys can't fool me. I know "want to come up and meet my dogs?" is just a nondirect way of saying "come up and meet my penis".
She hadn't heard about the oil spill. She gave dumb blondes a whole new standard to aim for. I did her anyway...but that isn't the point.
This could be one of the worst things i've done... The background of her phone is her and her boyfriend.
2nd semester senior, always drunk. at this point if i don't get a good parking spot, i turn around and drive home
could you please explain to me why my jumper cables are on my bedroom floor?
Professor just informed us that she can't come to class today because her daughter broke her glasses and she can not see where she is going. Am I still drunk from this weekend?
I'm bringing my passport in case we get drunk and wind up in Mexico
Would it be rude to use my vibrator? like he forfeited his right to be mad when he left me orgasmless...right?
I like to listen to classical music when I eat taco bell. I think it cancels out the aura of poverty and desperation.
My fuck buddy just proposed... Correct me if I'm wrong, but doesn't that completely defeat the purpose of FRIENDS with benefits?
Now you can be friends with Insurance Benefits.
Perfect. I'll put on my party clothes and write emergency numbers on my arm
It shouldn't be this hard to find someone who you haven't blown.
Who put the toilet in the living room? This is extremely inconvenient right now.
Randomize
