do you think he would believe thats it not really my period, and that i ate a lot of licorice?
I woke up with my keys safelty pinned to my thong. It's gonna be a great day.
I really thought you were going to tell me you were pregnant on facebook chat. FACEBOOK CHAT. I almost cried.
He came, while we were making out fully clothed. I'm going to write a book.
let's just say if he has a penis and he hypothetically needs to put it somewhere... i would take care of that for him.
Judge me...This apron fits PERFECTLY when I have no clothes on
Who said I was judging? More like congratulating.
I just took a shower and found half a cookie melted under my boob. Please tell me there's a reason
The sign say "Kereoke" strip bar. 5 more beers and ill be ready to rumble.
She kept talking about how amazing the banana she had yesterday was. Don't know if it was innuendo, stoned, or just a really amazing banana.
Really uncomfortable with the level of eskimo brotherhood at this family reunion
I'm sort of afraid for my life tho. If the 4th of July can be the way it was a DMX show is capable of anything
For not really liking Christmas, I have an astounding amount of holiday-themed lingerie
Did you just tell me you watch cartoon porn because it's more real?
Learn from my mistakes, you naive soul: Gay love triangles are just as dangerous as straight love triangles.
Yeah well I fucked my ex on a sink last night soooo booty calls for us all
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