Come with me and I'll find you a girl. What's your type?
Vagina
If I was on drugs, this would be amazing
Our relationship just reached the stage where i can touch her boobs while making a honking noise without getting hit in the face
Oh god. There is a bite mark in the bar of soap. Please tell me I was not that wasted.
If you know any fat girls who would pay me for sex, I am low on money and morals right now
She gave me a foot massage while her friend rode me. Your gf puked into the oscolating fan. How were our nites alike?
She thought that based on the way she feels that she got drugged last night, but come on, her turn on word is hello, who needs to drug that??
I never should have let my cousin and his pregnant girlfriend move in with me. I'm never having sex again. They scare off men more than 'my dream wedding' pin board.
Do I like my job? I just bought 1/2 oz of pot from my supervisor at work. At a discount. And he said, "pay me whenever."
What kind of scumbag goes to a baby's 1st birthday party with a black eye? This kind. Me. I'm disgraceful.
I HAD TO TAKE A SHOT OF JAGER AND SOME REDBULL JUST TO SEE IF IT’LL MAKE MY MOUTH FEEL BETTER
And no one can masturbate with the sound of Bernie's voice in the background
So this morning everyone commended me for puking over the porch. No one else made it that far...
I think I won an award for shitting and vomiting at the same time.
Unless it has to do with ramen, goldfish, cheese, or rugby, don't talk to me.
Randomize
