In the car with my brother. His CD went from 2pac to Taylor Swift. I'm concerned. It wasn't a mistake, he knows all the words.
my boyfriend just said he'd go down on me if I gave him my password to facebook
im naked on webcam to her boyfriend, but im playing neopets at the same time, so its all evened out
burritoes are like sleeping bags for ground beef
In her drunkenness, she packed a bag with tequila, two shot glasses, salt, a knife, and two pears. She was prepared but too high to distinguish pears from limes.
shes wearing an ankle tracker so she should be easy to find
Totally had a conversation drunk last night with a bisexual chick at my apartment in Spanglish too.
You're a hero.
Its so bad though\nOur relationship has gotten to the point where im posing nude with a swiffer
VOOOODKA VOOODKA WE PLEDGE OUR LOVE TO THEEEE VODKAAAA VODKAAAA SAVIOR OF LIBERTYYYY
Sneezing cum all over the table was not the highlight of the family reunion if that tells you anything
I am descending into that finals week rage fueled by ramen, mountain dew and bad sex is what's up.
Waking up early to fuck the hot DILF the day before Father's Day because I'm respectable like that
Remind me to tell you all about the topless girl on the street who attempted to taze me.
I don't know when he had the time to do it but he dug a hole in our basement like the shawshank redemption
Yeah but who says we can't be shitfaced and tan at the same time?
Randomize
