I have a page in my 2010 scrapbook dedicated to pictures of his cock.
Dude, you walked in on me 5 times each times you had a different person with you. And each time you lifted the covers up and said 'whats going on in here'
Aww you are cute. With your penis. And failures.
Dude. He put me on a rewards point system for his dick. I have to do him favors now to build up to winning sex. This is shit.
So my mom and I were talking about what I should get you for christmas. She made it clear I cannot get christmas lingerie.
Yeah... I still gave her a hug because I felt really bad though. I mentioned that my boyfriends grandma just died too, just to reinforce that I'm straight afterwards.
You were so calm and collected as you strolled out the door with 40 mcdonalds cups in your arms. It was legendary.
Some fat latino guy has these 2 fat white moms making out with each other on the dance floor
He was the only one not on Xanax so he holds the key to what actually happened last night
I told her it would be awesome. We are all the same people. One of us would always be drunk, one of us would always be hooking up, and one of us would always be crying into a pancake.
I want you more than I want a burrito.
I'm not as filling.
Did you leave a mouse under my pillow again?
Why do I have this feeling like this is heading in a slightly threesome-y direction
Well I just woke up to no pants, Gatorade on the headboard along with an uneaten steak, and the instinct I was a giant asshole.
i had sex with a girl named after a fruit last night and it was the best thing to happen to me in 2020
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