I just cut my nipple shaving
i cleaned the weed out of my bowl, pretended it was a spoon and ate oatmeal with it. my mom cried
I'm sorry, but the way we fuck, they don't make condoms strong enough not to break
With the amount of g's you put on going I'm gonna guess you're drinking alone again
I'm really proud of myself for not blacking out yet this weekend!
It's a Thursday.
A little sexual choking never killed anyone. And if it did, they died happy.
Getting drunk in an Applebee's pray for me
Lord god protect this child
Guess who isn't pregnant with a random sex ocean baby?!?!
i can trust myself, just not when im drunk. and drinking is my favorite pastime
If I get one more "oh yaaaaa he changed your oil" texts, I'm gonna lose my shit
YO. MCGRIDDLES.
HIS DICK ISNT BIG ENOUGH FOR HIM TO BE THAT PROUD OKAY
I mean, it was a fun hookup and he's cute and whatnot, but he wouldn't go down on me. Plus he's a republican. Idk why but those things feel like they go hand in hand.
dont you DARE use my tequila influenced words against me
im gonna miss him. and by him, i mean his dick
Randomize