U dropped me off n it hit me, i made it inside for exactly shit thirty on the nose, another minute n i would of had brown trowsers
She was so drunk yelling at me in my driveway to fuck her. It was the ghetto version of Romeo and Juliet.
the vast amounts of cleavage i'm sporting to my final says "no, I didn't study but don't worry I've got something lined up for when I don't graduate".
I mean I knew we were putting on quite a show but I didnt realize HOW good until I woke up and 4 people were passed out with their ears to the bedroom door.
Amazing. Super drunk. We stole a street sign in a golf cart and went around jousting trash cans all night.
Well call me tomorrow, it's a great story that may lead to me being fired and/or possibly being buried in a shallow grave somewhere out in wine country.
Is it a good time to tell him he's getting too clingy if he sent me a picture of my name spelled with Cheerios?
It is officially Christmas time in Chicago. There's a drunk hobo on the CTA singing the first 2 lines of Frosty the Snowman over and over and over.
Just streaked campus for a bottle of patron...maybe you're right...I might have a drinking problem...
The only flat surface we had was a cheez it box so we snorted the blow off of that. Rock bottom really isn't that bad.
I'm pretty sure that our Lady and The Tramp Red Vine moment was the farthest I got last night
I based a lot of our friendship on the fact that I thought you were crying from feeling so sad for me when I got crabs. I'm not sure if we can ever be as close now.
Official reason: I couldn't get time off. The real reason: last Xmas nearly ended in alcohol poisoning to prevent me from screaming like a velociraptor
I came in like 30 seconds, and my dog got to watch me take the walk of shame to the bathroom to clean up. All in all, not my best performance.
Being pregnant feels like you have a hangover everyday.. Don't listen to what anyone says about how wonderful it is
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