you got kicked out last night because right after you said "whats up?" to us, you downed your whole vodka ton and threw it across the bar.
I met her at the liquor store. I hope I'm wearing a condom
In case you were unaware playing with rabbits on ecstasy is the greatest thing ever. I feel like I'm ODing on adorable right now.
There was a stripper pole on the party bus. Was being past tense because some fat chick somehow tore it from the ceiling while grinding
you're being fucking weird and i don't like it. text me when you're not being the after picture on a poster for rehab
I really want to shower but i'm afraid i'll sober up. My mouth feels like a stripper pole too...
There is nothing wrong with me introducing you as elephant dick. Nothing.
That's probably when I climbed a tree and told everyone I was an ornament
Munching saltines, sippin Gatorade, and trying not to get eaten by this small horse
Sending out old nude selfies with the message "#tbt"
I think I'm destined to be the stoner version of one of those successful but emotionally unavailable characters Sandra Bullock always plays in movies
Haha I had a heart to heart with a stripper so I would say it was a success?
He and his ex stood there talking about going to get Chinese food while I was half naked searching for my panties
I still don’t believe you, the dog DID NOT tear down the shower curtain and shit on the floor.. we found you in the fetal position in the bathroom holding your tequila gun. It was you!
Woke up with a bed full of sand...care to explain?
Isnt is self explanatory?
Randomize
